


We'll Be Okay

by purplerayz



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye), Friendship, Gen, Hurt Danny, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24008698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplerayz/pseuds/purplerayz
Summary: Danny struggles to cope with Steve leaving. He still struggles when Steve returns. Tag to 10x22.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 102





	We'll Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of an open ending, but delves into some of what Danny and Steve might be feeling after the events of the episode.

Danny waits until he's sure Steve is inside the house before he lets himself sag heavily in his chair. He rubs at his eyes when the tears start to well up. He's emotionally and physically wrung out, and his last dredges of energy are waning quickly. He'd been hoping Steve would take his hints that he wanted him to stay. Some of the hints he'd dropped over the past few days were very obvious, others more subtle, but maybe it was his own fault for not outright saying  _ don't leave me _ .  


Really, he can kind of understand why Steve thinks he needs to do this, to get away for awhile and clear his head. What Danny can't wrap his mind around is the fact that Steve is leaving him only a week after nearly dying, and barely even two days out of the hospital. He's hurt that Steve would leave him here alone so soon after what happened. He hasn't completely come to terms with it himself yet, and he knows damn well that Steve hasn't either. He knows Steve still feels guilty. He could see it every time Steve had looked at him this past week.  


He startles when a warm, furry head noses into his lap, but he reaches down automatically to scratch Eddie's head.  


"Steve leave the door open, buddy?" he wonders.  


Eddie wags his tail happily, oblivious to the fact that Steve hasn't just left for a few hours or a few days. Danny would give anything to have that optimism right now, but Eddie will realize soon enough that his owner has left him, too. Soon, he'll be looking forlornly at the front door, waiting for Steve to come home.  


He hears someone approaching behind him, and for the briefest moment, he allows himself to hope that Steve's changed his mind and has come back. Instead, Lou appears, stopping next to the empty chair. He doesn't sit, and Danny's glad, because he's not sure he could process someone else sitting in Steve's spot right now.  


Lou sighs, and Danny finally dares to look up at him. He immediately notes that Lou's eyes are a bit red-rimmed, too. Instead of making him feel not so alone in this, it just pisses him off more. He wishes Steve could just realize how important he is to everyone here, and that maybe he didn't need to leave the island to find the peace he was looking for. Yeah, this island held a lot of bad memories for Steve, but it also held a lot of good ones, too.   


Lou clears his throat. "You alright?" he asks.  


Danny ignores the question, shifting stiffly. "You draw the short straw?"  


"Nah, I volunteered. You don't scare me, man," Lou teases. "Look, I know you probably don't wanna talk about it, so I won't push, but at least tell me how you're feeling." Lou nods at him, indicating his physical injuries.  


Danny shrugs the best he can. "Okay, I guess, still pretty stiff and sore." And weak and tired and depressed. It's only been a week, but his recovery is slow going. He feels exhausted and wrung out all the time, despite the amount of rest he's been getting. He's not sure if he's just getting old and his body won't heal as quickly, or if it has more to do with his state of mind than anything else.  


"How long you been out here?" Lou asks. "That chair can't be very comfortable for you to sit in right now. Why don't you come back inside? Everyone's still here."  


Everyone except the one he really wants to be there.  


"I think I'll stay out a bit longer," Danny decides. He knows exactly what Lou's trying to do, keep him from being alone, as if being around everyone else will make it hurt less. He wonders if Lou will press the issue or not, but he doesn't.  


"Alright. At least let Eddie keep you company then."  


Lou tells Eddie to stay when he looks like he's considering following him back to the house. After Lou retreats, Danny idly watches Eddie as he explores and sniffs around the beach like it's the first time he's ever been there. Eventually though, Eddie settles down, laying down next to his feet on the sand, sniffing the ocean air in interest.  


Danny sits for awhile before he gets the urge to pull out his phone. He sends Steve a quick text,  _ miss you already,  _ and stares at the screen for a few minutes before giving up. Steve's probably already on the plane and has shut off his phone, so he tries not to feel too disappointed by the lack of response.  


He stays sitting longer than he should. Lou was right. These chairs were not meant to be sat in for long periods of time, especially not while recovering from a major injury and sore and achy muscles. He only stays on the beach as long as he does because he's hoping by the time he goes back inside, everyone will be gone. He doesn't feel like talking to anyone, doesn't really feel like being around them even. He wants to wallow in self-pity all by himself, maybe with Eddie, but that's it.  


He stays until the sun starts to set, because before he only ever thought of the sun setting, and now, goddammit, it makes him think about Steve. Getting up out of the chair is a feat in itself, and if it weren't for his cane there to help steady him, he'd probably topple over. He has to stand still for several moments before he dares to move, and walking back up to the house is a slow process. Eddie beats him by a long shot but waits patiently for him by the door.  


He takes a breath before he steps inside, wondering what he'll find. It seems quiet enough, but he'd be surprised if at least one person hasn't stayed to make sure he's okay. He hobbles his way to the living room, and sure enough, Tani and Junior are lounging on the couch together. They look cozy, Junior's arm wrapped around Tani's shoulder, her head resting on his chest. The scene makes Danny's heart ache unexpectedly. He doesn't have Steve to rely on right now, and he doesn't have someone like  _ that _ to rely on, and his head flashes to an image of Joanna... and shit, he really needs to stop that train of thought before he has a complete meltdown.  


Though they look tired and cozy, they're both awake. They look up when he comes in the room, and he doesn't miss the look of worry that swipes across both of their faces. He must look as pale and terrible as he feels, because the two of them quickly jump up off the couch into action.  


"Whoa, hey, are you alright?" Tani asks, suddenly right in front of him.  


He realizes he does feel a bit lightheaded. He's been sitting out on the beach too long and hadn't even brought a bottle of water with him. The short walk back to the house took a lot out of him, more than he expected it would. He's probably past due for a round of pain meds as well.  


"Yeah," Danny replies softly. "I just... need to sit."  


Despite his want to be left alone, he lets the two of them lead him over to the nearby rocking chair without complaint. Sitting doesn't make his head feel any better, and he closes his eyes, trying to breathe through the dizziness and pain that's crept up on him.  


"What do you need?" Tani asks softly. Her voice is close, so she must be crouched down in front of him.  


"Uh," Danny swallows slowly, "meds..." He moves his arm to point, but realizes he has no idea where they are. The despair in his gut deepens as it dawns on him that Steve had taken it upon himself to be in charge of his medication the past two days since being released from the hospital, bringing the pills right to him like clock-work. He hadn't thought anything of it until now. "Not sure where he put 'em," he finally adds.  


Tani squeezes his hand, and it's meant to be comforting, but it just makes him wish it was Steve comforting him instead. So far, he's not coping well, and Steve has only been gone for a few hours.  


"Here," Junior says suddenly.  


Danny finally pries his eyes open, so he can take the pills and glass of water from Junior. He downs the pills quickly, but sips the water more slowly, making sure his stomach doesn't revolt. He leans back tiredly when he finishes the water, closing his eyes again. The glass disappears from his hand.  


He hears muffled voices, and he blinks in confusion. There's a light blanket covering him, and he dimly realizes he must have dozed off in the chair. The living room is empty, save for Eddie laying on the couch, but he can hear quiet voices coming from the kitchen. He's not sure what time it is, but it must be fairly late now.  


_ "I don't get it. Why did he have to go now? How could he just leave while Danny's still hurting like this? He's barely even on his feet."  
_

There's a pause before Junior replies.  _ "I know, I don't know." _   


Danny shifts uncomfortably, not sure how he feels about being the subject of conversation, but also a little relieved to know he's not the only one wondering the same thing. Before he overhears too much of a private conversation, he searches for his cane and gets himself out of the chair with minimal difficulty. He heads for the bathroom, knowing the two in the kitchen will hear his cane hitting the floor, if not, the bathroom door closing.  


When he opens the bathroom door a couple of minutes later, he's not surprised to find the two of them waiting in the hall. He allows himself a small smile. They nearly look like two lost little puppies, waiting to please or help in any way they can.  


"You don't have to stay," Danny finally offers. "I'm fine." Neither of them move or say anything or look convinced, so he adds, "I'm fine. I was stupid earlier and sat outside too long, alright? I'm good now. I'm going to bed anyway."  


He leaves it up to them and makes his way to the guest room. Junior had been sleeping at Tani's since his homecoming, allowing him to have the more comfortable bed. If either of them stay, they'll have to sleep on the couch. There's another empty bed in the house, but none of them would feel right using it, he knows.  


He changes out of his jeans but leaves his t-shirt on, and he leans his cane on the night stand before crawling carefully into the bed. He's not sure he'll be able to sleep, but when he finally gets himself settled, exhaustion quickly wins him over.  


When he wakes, it's light out. He doesn't want to move, but his body has other ideas, so he forces himself to get up. He makes a bathroom stop, and it's only after he comes out that he realizes how quiet the house is. The living room is empty, but a blanket and pillow folded and piled up neatly on the couch tell him that at least Junior had slept there last night. Eddie's leash is missing, so they must have gone for a walk or run.  


He finds his medications on the kitchen counter and swallows them down with a glass of water. He hears the front door open and expects it to be Junior and Eddie, but instead, Tani comes into the kitchen with a take-out bag. She smiles when she sees him.  


"I brought breakfast."  


Danny forces himself to eat. He's not hungry, but he knows he needs it. Junior returns, Eddie in tow, after he's only a few bites in. No one says much of anything while they eat.  


"I'm going to go shower," Danny informs them, a bit unnecessarily, when he finishes. He knows they're worried about him, though, so it's better than getting up and walking away without a word.  


After grabbing a set of clean clothes, he heads into the bathroom. Getting out of his shirt is a difficult task. It would probably be easier to just wear a button-up, but the t-shirt's more comfortable to wear. When he's finally out of the shirt, he peels away the bandage on the front of his chest. The one on his back is harder to get to, and it takes a little contortion-ism (that he really shouldn't be doing) in order to pull it off.  


He stays in the shower a long time. The hot water soothes his aching muscles, but makes him feel a bit lightheaded again. He finally turns the water off when the feeling becomes too much, knowing he doesn't need to pass out in the shower. He's taken enough hits to his head already, he doesn't need to add any more to that count, or to add a new injury to the list. Drying off isn't too difficult, and any place he can't reach, he lets air dry. He dresses from the waist down before setting to the task of replacing his bandages.  


He manages to replace the bandage on his front fairly easily, but realizes his problem when he gets to his back. While he'd been able to pull the old bandage off, there's no way he's going to be able to get the new one on properly. He allows himself a minute to dwell on the fact that Steve isn't here to help again. He'd been the one to change his bandages at home, so it had never been an issue until now. With a tired sigh, he makes himself open the bathroom door, realizing he only has two options.  


"Tani?" he calls out softly, hoping she'll be nearby.  


He's not disappointed.  


"Yeah? You okay?" She appears quickly, looking concerned.  


"Yeah," he assures her. "I just..." He holds up the clean bandages. "Can you...?"  


"Of course."  


He allows her to step into the bathroom with him. It's a little cramped, and they could do this somewhere else, but he doesn't want more people than necessary hovering over him, even if the only other one here is Junior. The door stays open, and thankfully, Junior has enough respect to stay away, despite Danny's call for help.  


He hands Tani the bandages and turns so she can get to his back. Her touch is soft and caring and efficient, but it's not what he wants. He feels incredibly vulnerable right now, and he wants Steve here to be the one taking care of him, helping him recover and doing the simple things like giving him his meds, changing his bandages, and sitting with him in company while he lounges in any available nearby chair.  


He tenses unconsciously.  


"Sorry, did I hurt you?" Tani asks from behind him, pausing.  


"No, sorry, you're fine."  


He forces himself to relax and wait out the feeling of unease that's settled within him.  


"Danny?"  


He realizes Tani has finished putting on the bandage, and he hasn't moved. He makes himself turn and reach for his shirt, hoping she won't notice the tears that have welled up in his eyes again. He lets her help pull his shirt on, and he thinks he's in the clear, but then she's pulling him into a gentle hug. He doesn't have enough willpower to stop the tears from trailing down his cheeks. They stay embraced for a minute before Danny lets out a soft chuckle at the thought of what it must look like, the two of them hugging and crying in Steve's small, cramped bathroom. He dimly hopes Junior isn't a jealous person.  


Tani smiles sadly as they part, wiping at her own eyes. "You okay?" she asks.  


"Yeah," Danny nods. "Just give me minute."  


He leaves the door open after she leaves, but washes his face quickly in the sink. When he finally feels a little more put together, he grabs his dirty clothes and cane and heads into the hall. He stops in his bedroom to throw his clothes into the hamper, debating what to do with himself. There's not much he can do but sit and relax and maybe watch TV or read, but he knows his mind isn't going to be up to that, and he won't be able to focus. He thinks about going down to sit by the beach again, but just the thought of the hard chair sends a phantom ache through his body.  


He goes to the living room and finds Tani and Junior on the couch again, sitting next to each other, but not curled up together like they'd been the night before. He wonders if they're holding back because of him, but decides not to think too much into it. He sits down with a heavy sigh on the rocking chair, leaning back to push the chair back at an angle. Figuring he's not going to move for awhile, he lifts his feet onto the footrest and makes himself comfortable. No one says anything about the fact that he lays his phone on his lap within easy reach.  


He dozes off and on in the chair most of the day. Tani and Junior disappear outside for awhile, bring him lunch, and not-so-discretely check up on him multiple times. They're all in the living room again when Lou stops in later in the afternoon, bringing boxes of pizza and something else.  


"Look what I found!" Lou claims as he comes through the door.  


Danny doesn't have to turn around to see. He knows the tell-tale signs. The quick, light footsteps are a dead giveaway, but it's the excited, "Danno!" that confirms it. He steels himself, shifting in his chair to sit up better. It's an automatic thing. He changes his whole demeanor, not wanting Charlie to see him depressed and hurting. The shift is noticeable, but no one comments, and Danny ignores everyone's watchful eyes, keeping his focus on Charlie.  


"Come 'ere, buddy," Danny smiles.  


Charlie climes carefully onto his lap, aware his father is still hurt. Rachel had brought him to the hospital to visit, but not until a couple of days after he'd been shot and had been feeling a little better. Charlie had taken it well enough, only asking if it was like last time he'd gotten hurt, and that simple question had nearly broken Danny's resolve. But he'd forced himself through another explanation that he'd be fine, the doctors were taking care of him, and he'd take awhile to get better.  


Charlie sits on his legs, knees braced on either side of Danny's hips. Danny pulls him into a careful one-armed hug.  


"What've you been up to?" Danny asks as Charlie settles back down on his legs.  


"We brought pizza!" Charlie beams.  


"You did, huh?"  


Charlie nods proudly. "Uh huh."  


They set up in the living room, and Charlie is ecstatic to be allowed to eat here instead of at the table. He promises to be on his best behavior and eat nicely and not spill. Danny's a little doubtful, knowing how messy the kid can get when he eats, but as long as he doesn't drop the pizza and is careful with his drink, he should be fine. Lou gets Charlie a plate and gets him settled at the coffee table, and Charlie happily kneels on the floor and digs in. Tani brings Danny a plate as well. Eating in the living room, the pizza and drinks, everyone crowded up on the couch, everything is deliberately set up so Danny can still enjoy everyone's (largely Charlie's) company without having to get up.  


"Where's Uncle Steve?"  


The room goes still and uncomfortable, everyone's gaze going from Danny to Charlie. Charlie, in his innocence, takes another big bite out of his slice of pizza.  


Danny clears his throat. "Remember we talked about this? Uncle Steve went away for awhile."  


"Oh," Charlie responds, as if he'd simply forgotten, and continues eating.  


The room breathes, and Danny purposefully avoids eye contact with everyone. Steve had said goodbye to Charlie a couple days ago, but Danny wasn't sure Charlie understood exactly how long Steve might be gone for. Even Steve couldn't give them a time frame, but with promises of many video calls, Charlie had taken it well, better than any of them had, probably.  


After dinner is cleaned up, they settle in for a movie that's age appropriate. Charlie settles in by Danny's right side in the chair, and he wraps an arm protectively around his shoulders.  


He nods off sometime during the movie, more content than he's been since Steve left, but still feeling like Steve should be right here with them. He blinks tiredly when Charlie shifts next to him, and sees the credits rolling on the screen.  


"Alright, I promised to get the little guy home at a decent time," Lou claps his hands together as he gets up from the couch.  


Charlie, surprisingly, doesn't protest having to leave, but gives Danny another hug before he does. Danny holds on longer than normal and only lets go when Charlie starts to squirm.  


"Danno loves you," Danny whispers before he lets go, slipping into his old habit of how he said it to Grace when she was younger.  


"Love you," Charlie responds automatically before sliding off the chair.  


"Thanks, Lou," Danny looks up at Lou, hoping his true appreciation shows through.  


Lou nods in understanding and pats Danny's shoulder as he passes by the chair. "Let's get you home, kiddo."  


As the door closes behind Charlie and Lou, any sort of contentment Danny had been feeling leaves with them. He realizes everyone has either stopped by or called or texted him to see how he was doing today. Everyone except the one person he really wanted to.  


He knew Steve wouldn't be calling every day, but he thought he would have at least called to let him know he landed safely and check in on his healing progress. He tries not to be disappointed, but he is.  


"You don't have to stay tonight," Danny says, eyeing Tani and Junior, who are both still on the couch. "I'm fine. I could use a little time alone," he adds honestly.  


"Are you sure?" Tani asks.  


"Yeah. I'm going to sit up for a bit longer, then go to bed. I think I can manage."  


He can see the two hesitate, but eventually they agree to leave. They probably want some time to themselves, and that's part of the reason he pushes for it. He gets up to stretch a little and see them out.  


"I'll be here in the morning to take Eddie for a run," Junior promises.  


Tani gives him another gentle hug. "Call us if you need anything. Don't worry about waking us up."  


Danny agrees, knowing he won't call. He locks the door behind them and leans heavily against it. He finds the quiet house disconcerting instead of relaxing. He'd intended to stay up a little longer, but decides he's better off going to bed. If he sits up, he's only going to be alone with his thoughts, and as much as he thought that's what he wanted, now he's not sure that's a good idea. Alone in Steve's house is probably not what he needs right now.  


He lets Eddie outside one last time before he takes his meds, shuts the lights off, and heads to bed.  


He jolts awake sometime later. He's sure a noise had woken him, but he can't place what it is. He remembers Junior's not here, so he assumes it's just Eddie roaming the house, until he registers the warm weight settled by his hip on the bed. Maybe he hadn't heard anything at all. But then, blinking in the mostly darkened room, he realizes Eddie is alert, ears perked up, listening intently and staring at the door. Danny glances at the clock, but it's only just after midnight, so it's not Junior coming for his morning run with Eddie.  


His heart races as he reaches for his gun in the night stand drawer. The movement stirs Eddie into action, and he bolts off the bed and out of the room before Danny can do anything. He gets himself out of bed as quickly as he can, his body protesting unhappily at the rushed movements. He pushes through it, though, and goes into the hall, holding his gun with both hands to the floor, but ready just in case. He doesn't hear any barking from Eddie, so he's either the world's worst guard dog, or he's... shit, Steve is going to kill him if something's happened to Eddie after only one day of taking care of him.  


When he edges his way into the living room, the lamp by the door flicks on. Danny automatically, instinctively, reacts. He whips his gun up towards the figure by the door. A searing pain races through his shoulder, but he forces himself to ignore it.  


"Whoa, hey, it's me, Danny!"  


He doesn't know whether to sag in relief or yell in frustration. He manages a mix of the two.  


"What the hell? Ow," he moans as he lowers his gun, noting that his hands are shaky, his whole body trembling slightly. "Shit." In his haste to search the house for intruders, he'd definitely moved too much, too quickly, and he left his walking aide in his bedroom. He feels the weight of it suddenly, a wave of exhaustion and relief making him feel dizzy. The room spins.  


There's a rush of movement just as he loses his balance and sinks to his knees, the gun slipping from his hands. He feels himself being lifted from the waist, and he does his best to stand, leaning heavily onto the body next to him. He's going to bleed out, he thinks, he's dying, but somewhere in his foggy mind, he knows that's not quite right.  


"Steve," he blinks in confusion. "What?"  


"Come on, over to the couch."  


Not the truck. The couch. He's fine. He's not bleeding out.  


"Sit, sit down."  


He trusts that the couch is there, and he sits down with some help.  


"Let me... I need to check."  


He sits in a daze, letting himself get manhandled out of his shirt. He winces when the bandage on his chest is pulled back, and the process is repeated on his back.  


"You're bleeding a little, but it looks okay."  


He disappears from in front of him, but before Danny can blink again, he's back, sitting on the coffee table. As the bandage on his chest is replaced, he bites back a groan. He's so damn tired. Without thinking, he leans forward, not having to move far, and rests his forehead on the shoulder in front of him. The warm body pauses and stiffens before arms reach behind him to change the bandage on his back, working around his slumped form.  


This... He wanted this. But...  


"Why are you here?" he mumbles quietly.  


There's no reply, so Danny just doesn't move, no energy left to do anything but trust that he will be taken care of.  


"Come on, lay down."  


He blinks blearily, but doesn't protest as he's guided down to lay on the couch. He's so exhausted that the questions running through his head begin to wither away, and he forgets what he even wanted to ask. "Why...?" is all he gets out as he lays his head down on a pillow that's placed beneath his head.  


"You need to rest. We'll talk in the morning."  


He drifts off quickly, but before he does, he's sure he hears a quiet sigh.  _ I never should have left.  
_

He wakes slowly, trying to remember why he's sleeping on the couch without his shirt on. There's a blanket covering him, so he's not cold, but an odd tremble sweeps through him as an image of Steve coming back filters through his fuzzy head. It had to be dream, though, because Steve wouldn't have come back after only one day. But that still didn't explain sleeping shirtless on the couch. He eyes the room uncertainly, a small hope that maybe it wasn't a dream... and there's Steve, sitting on the rocking chair like he never left.  


Huh. So, not a dream then.  


He's filled with more confusion than relief or happiness. He eyes Steve up and down. He's obviously dozed off in the chair, unintentionally or not. It's only been a day and a half since he left, but he looks exhausted, and he's still wearing the same clothes he left in.  


The lamp by the door is still on, lighting up the room just enough without be too bright. It still looks dark outside, but maybe the beginnings of the sunrise are poking through, so it's still pretty early in the morning.  


Danny shifts on the couch, and his breath hitches suddenly. His escapades a few hours ago are definitely showing off now. He bites back a groan, trying to breathe through the pain, hoping it will lessen in a minute so he can get up and get his pain meds. It doesn't though, and he resigns himself to asking for help.  


"Shit," he breathes. "Steve?" His voice is quiet, but he knows Steve will be alert and awake in an instant.  


"What's wrong, Danny?"  


"Meds? Please?"  


He focuses on the sound of Steve's footsteps, running water, and rushed steps back.  


"Can you sit up?"  


"Yeah," Danny agrees, as much as he doesn't want to. But he needs to sit up in order to get the pills down. He sits up with Steve's help and gets his feet on the floor. He swallows the pills with some water and leans wearily against the back of the couch as he waits for them to kick in.  


"You should lay back down," Steve suggests after a few minutes.  


"No. I'm fine." He glances around the room. "Where's my shirt?"  


"Here."  


Steve sits on the coffee table in front of him and helps him back into his shirt. If he groans in the process, neither of them acknowledge it.  


This is exactly what he wanted. Steve helping him, taking care of him, just being here. Instead, it somehow feels wrong.  


"Why are you here?" Danny asks again.  


"We can talk later. You need more rest after the stupid stunt you pulled last night."  


"Well, can you blame me?" Danny snaps, louder and angrier than he intends to. After the break-in and subsequent abduction, of course he'd immediately assumed someone was breaking into the house, and he wasn't going to lay in bed like a sitting duck, no matter how injured he was.  


Steve visibly deflates, and Danny immediately regrets saying it.  


"It's not..." Danny starts. "None of it's your fault. How many times do I have to tell you that?"  


"Danny..."  


A lot, apparently.  


"No! You saved me! I'm here, and, yeah, I feel like shit right now, but I'm fine, okay? That's all that matters!"  


Steve stands up in a rush and takes a few steps away before turning back to face Danny. "Would you stop telling me I saved your life? I didn't do anything! All I did was get you to the hospital. You got yourself free."  


"I got myself shot!" If he could, Danny would get up off the couch, too, so they could have a proper yelling match, but he stays sitting.  


"No, Danny, you got yourself out and took out four guys in the process, and if you hadn't, you wouldn't be here!"  


"You don't know that," Danny objects, despite the fact that he kind of feels the same way. They haven't talked much about how he'd escaped before this, and maybe they should have had this conversation a few days ago.  


"Yes, I do!" Steve continues quieter, "When we talked to Daiyu Mei after we had her in custody, she said she ordered one of her men to kill you after I gave her the cipher."  


"She was probably just trying to get under your skin."  


"Maybe," Steve agrees, "but I don't think she was lying."  


Danny leans back on the couch tiredly and closes his eyes. Steve is probably right, that's why he'd made his move after he'd realized Steve was making the trade with Daiyu Mei. He'd had a feeling that the next person to come through the door would either kill him, or less likely, it would be Steve. Not taking any chances, he'd mustered up all the strength he could and made his move when he'd been left alone.  


" _ You're _ the reason you're alive, Danny, not me. I didn't do anything. Stop selling yourself short."  


The couch dips next to him as Steve sits.  


"Look," Danny says, eyeing Steve's back. He's hunched forward, barely sitting on the cushion. "It doesn't matter whether you think you saved me or not, okay? You know, I used to tell Grace she was the number one most important thing to me, and number two didn't even come close. Then Charlie came along and that changed, but I've realized over the years you've become part of that, too, Steve. You're right up there with them. All I could think about while they had me was the three of you. You helped me hang on and not give up, so you saved me, okay? Even if you think you didn't do anything."  


What Danny doesn't say, but knows in his heart, is that Steve wouldn't have been able to work past the guilt if he had died. He hung on for his children, true, but this time, his will to fight and live was largely built on keeping Steve from loosing another person, from having another death weigh on his already heavily guilty conscious.  


"Why are you here?" Danny finally asks again when Steve doesn't respond. "Why'd you come back? Did you find your peace already?" He intended it to be a tease, but it comes out testily.  


Steve sighs. "No. I still think I need to get away for awhile, but now's not the time, and I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner. I shouldn't have left so soon after what happened to you."  


_ No _ , Danny agrees in his head,  _ you shouldn't have. _   


"This wasn't supposed to go like this," Steve rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly. "I thought we'd figure out the cipher and deal with whatever stupid thing my mother left me, and then I'd head off on a plane, have some time to myself for awhile and sort through things, but..."  


"Then shit hit the fan?" Danny finishes.  


"Yeah, and I still thought it would be easier to just leave anyway, but then Catherine was on the plane, and it didn't feel right."  


"Wait, Catherine?" Danny balks when Steve's words sink in. "You were going to go traipsing around the world with Catherine and didn't tell me?"  


"No, Danny," Steve glances back at him for a moment. "I didn't know she was going to be there. Cole used to know her, too, and he was able to get in contact with her. She's the one who cracked the cipher."  


"Okay, but why was she on the plane?"  


"I told Cole she was the one that got away, and I don't know what he told her exactly, but she decided to come on her own. She wasn't expecting anything, but she offered to go with me, or we could part ways when the plane landed."  


Danny pauses while he processes the information. "I wouldn't blame you, if you wanted to go back to her." As much as he thinks it might not be the best thing for Steve, he'd at least understand. He'd seen first hand how much Catherine had hurt Steve when she left, but he also knew what it was like to have a history like that with someone. He'd gone back to Rachel too many times himself, even after she'd lied to him about Charlie. He should have known it would never work, but he tried anyway. So he would understand if Steve felt the need to go back to Catherine, despite how she had hurt him.  


"No. I don't know what I want, but I know I'm not in the right frame of mind to make that decision right now. We had a nice long talk on the flight, and she understood. When we landed, I booked the first flight back here, and she got on another one."  


"Why didn't you call when you knew you were coming back? I almost shot you."  


"I figured you'd be stubborn and tell me I didn't need to come back."  


_ I didn't need you to come back. I needed you not to leave me in the first place.  
_

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"  


Danny blinks in confusion as he realizes he'd spoken out loud. He hadn't meant to. He clears his throat, deciding to be honest. "I was hoping you'd realize it on your own. I didn't want to be the one to ask you to stay. I know what it's like to be forced to be somewhere you don't want to be." His voice cracks as he finishes, thinking back to ten years ago when he first came to Hawaii, and how much everything has changed since then. Steve was a large part of that. He closes his eyes and rubs his temple, hoping to stave away the beginnings of a headache. He feels himself tearing up again, and if he doesn't get a grip on it, he thinks he might completely break down this time.  


Steve shifts next to him, and Danny can feel his warmth as he sits back and scoots closer. An arm reaches around his shoulders, and when Steve pulls him in just that little bit closer, Danny finally breaks.  


"I almost died a week ago, and you just left me!"  


"I'm sorry, Danny. I shouldn't have left. I thought I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry I didn't see how much you were still hurting. I messed up. I thought you'd be okay, because you weren't alone here. I asked Junior to stay here."  


"And I asked him to leave! Junior--Junior's great, they're all great, but they're not you, Steve. I needed  _ you _ here right now."  


"I know, buddy. I'm sorry."  


He didn't mean to add to Steve's guilt, but if he'd been honest and open about how much he was struggling, maybe Steve wouldn't have left him in the first place. He turns into Steve's shoulder, and Steve wraps his other arm around him. "I almost died, Steve," he chokes out. He has no energy left to hold it back, so he lets everything he's been holding onto for the past week go.  


He thinks he was more scared after the fact, in the days following, as he had become more aware and slowly started to recover. Laying in the hospital bed, he'd had all the time in the world to go over the bits and pieces he could remember, dwelling on what he could have done differently to avoid being taken in the first place. Or what he could have changed to avoid getting shot. Or how if something had gone even a little differently, how easily he could have died.  


"I know," Steve soothes, sounding a little broken, too. "You're okay, buddy, you're okay."  


Eventually, he falls into an exhausted haze, unaware of much of anything except for the fact that Steve is here with him. He'd come back for him, even if he'd made the mistake of leaving.   


He's only partially aware of Steve shifting him around. "Hmm?"  


"Just go to sleep, buddy. You're exhausted. I'll be here."  


He's horribly groggy when he wakes. He tries to open his eyes, but shuts them immediately as the bright light assaults him. The headache he'd been feeling before is now looming around his head in full bloom, nausea rising along with it. He swallows carefully.  


"Danny?"  


He'd been getting headaches on and off all week, a side effect from the hits he'd taken to his head. The pain meds helped keep them mostly at bay, but he doesn't want to move now in order to get them.  


"Hey, I know you're awake. What's wrong?"  


He feels a hand on his chest, and he dares to crack an eye open again. He sees a blurry arm reaching down from somewhere behind and above him, and it's then that he notes the warm pillow beneath his head must be Steve's thigh.  


"Headache," he finally moans in response.  


"Junior, can you get his meds? Here, come on, sit up."  


He'd forgotten all about Junior coming, and he's not sure how he managed to sleep through that, considering front door is right there. There had to be some sort of conversation between the two, along with the accompanying excitement from Eddie, but the noise hadn't woken him.  


Suddenly, there's pills in his hand and a glass pressed to his lips, but he barely recalls the process of sitting up. He can still feel Steve behind him, supporting him.  


"Drink, you're probably dehydrated."  


He drinks obediently, managing to get the pills down as well in between sips of water. He pushes the glass away when it's nearly empty, not sure he can handle any more. He's relieved when they don't try to push any more water on him. He sags tiredly until he's laying back down, head resting on Steve's thigh again. He's more miserable than he's been in days, and it feels like he's taken a step back in his recovery.  


The headache slowly ebbs away to a more bearable level, but he still doesn't move. He's somewhat comfortable and worn out beyond caring that his head is in Steve's lap.  


Steve's voice stirs him out of his daze. He thinks he's talking to Junior at first, but he keeps pausing for responses, and Danny doesn't hear any. He must be on his phone, then.  


"What are you doing?" Danny asks quietly. He knows, he can hear what Steve's saying, but the words are slow to process fully.  


"Shut up, I'm making you an appointment."  


He grunts a little in protest, "I'm fine," but he knows Steve won't listen. It's probably not a bad idea anyway, with his little adventure last night, just to make sure he hadn't done any more damage.  


"How're you doing, buddy?" Steve asks when he finishes his call.  


"Better," he answers without much thought.  


"You need anything?"  


"No," Danny swallows. "Just this."  


He doesn't really care how needy or cheesy he sounds.  


He wakes to a gentle shake of his good shoulder. He fights hard to ignore it, but it's persistent, and he knows hiding away or pretending to still be asleep won't stop it.  


"Wake up, Danny. We have to leave soon for your appointment."  


He groans in response, but forces himself to open his eyes. He'd rather not move, but between his full bladder and stiff muscles, he'd be better for it. He sits up, wincing, and blinks in a daze.  


"Where's my cane?" he finally asks, not seeing it in the immediate area. He can't quite remember where he left it.  


"Hang on."  


Steve disappears for a minute, to the guest bedroom, he presumes, returning with his cane in hand. Danny uses it to heave himself up off the couch, and Steve hovers ridiculously close as he teeters slightly. He doesn't move until he feels steadier.  


The short walk to the bathroom is slow, and he feels like an old man trudging along with his cane. When he finishes, he splashes some water on his face, hoping to wake himself up a bit more. Despite all the sleep, he still feels tired.  


Steve forces him to eat a little bit before they leave. Junior lets them borrow his car, since Steve's high truck is harder for him to get in to, and it makes Danny long for his own car. Shot up and burnt to a crisp, he allowed himself to morn for it a little bit.  


The appointment goes well enough, and the doctor is not impressed, but isn't too concerned about anything other than emphasizing that Danny really needs to rest and eat and drink, and not do any more stupid shit like the night before. The doctor puts it in a nicer way, but Danny gets the real meaning behind the words.  


He's worn out again by the time they get home, so he goes into his bedroom without a word to lay down. He'd spent most of last night and this morning on the couch, so he needs a real bed this time. He lays down on top of the covers, lacking enough energy to even attempt the struggle to get beneath them. Eddie hops up next to him and settles in, decidedly happy to have a napping partner.  


_ Hold on, hold on. _   


_ Here we go. I'm right here. _   


_ You're good, buddy. _   


_ Stay with me, Danny.  
_

_ Hey, I'm with you, buddy. It's okay.  
_

His heart races as he wakes. He breathes heavily, caught up in the vestiges of a dream of disjointed images and feelings. His memories after getting shot are a bit hazy, but it doesn't seem to stop his mind from playing over the bits he does remember and adding other pieces that may or may not be real. All he knows for sure is that Steve was there, that Steve was with him and got him to the hospital.  


There was a moment before he lost consciousness, laying alone on the floor, that he thought for sure Steve was going to find a dead body. Even in the truck, tucked safely in Steve's arms, he wasn't sure they'd make it in time.  


Being dizzily wheeled into the hospital corridors, he'd had a brief moment of lucidity. Somehow, he knew he was about to be separated from Steve, so he'd lifted his arm with what little strength he had, searching for some kind of contact. He's still not sure whether it was to comfort himself or to comfort Steve, but he'd reached up, finding Steve's arm, getting in that last bit of contact, just in case...  


"Danny?"  


He's still lost in a haze of memories, but slowly, the room comes into focus above him. He has a hard time placing his whereabouts, his brain slow to process. He still feels the panic rising.  


"Slow your breaths, buddy."  


He barely blinks, just stares in confusion as his body heaves in breaths like it's the last ones he'll take. A hand cups the side of his face and neck, its warmth seeping into his chilled skin.  


"Hey, hey, look at me, Danny. Look at me."  


He searches wildly, taking longer than he should to find Steve's face hovering right above him. He blinks in confusion, but starts to relax as he realizes he's laying in his bedroom, in Steve's house. Not alone on the floor, not in Steve's arms in the truck, and not on a gurney being rushed into surgery.  


"Good, that's good. You're safe. You're okay."  


Steve's voice is soothing, so Danny allows himself to close his eyes. He focuses on the warmth on his cheek and neck, and morns the loss of it when it suddenly disappears. But it reappears a moment later on his hand, settling something inside him instantly. He allows himself to smirk, knowing Steve is thinking about when he'd first woken in the hospital.  


_ Why'd you stop holding my hand?  
_

He knows Steve is trying to get a rise out of him, trying to get him to focus on something else.  


"You okay?"  


"Mmm," he grunts in response, not wanting to speak just yet. He hears Steve sigh heavily as the bed dips next to his hip. He's not sure how long they stay like that, Steve never letting go of his hand. It should feel weird, now that he's out of the hospital, but it doesn't. It helps ground him as his breathing gradually returns to normal.  


He's not sure if he drifts off again or just lays in a light doze. He vaguely wonders if he had made any noise to alert Steve of his distressed state, or if Steve had just been in the room to check on him or watch him sleep. As creepy as it sounds, he knows how it feels to have that need, just to watch someone breathe as proof that they're alive and safe.  


At some point, Steve stops holding his hand again, maybe thinking he'd fallen back asleep. He knows he's still there, though, he can he hear his quiet breathing in between Eddie's soft snores. He's thankful now, for not having crawled under the covers. Between Eddie's warm fur plastered on one side and Steve's closeness on the other, he'd probably be overheated.  


When he finally musters up enough will to open his eyes, he finds Steve still sitting on the edge of the bed by his hip, but he's facing away from him, staring at the wall. It reminds him of how much time he'd spent at the hospital with him, even when he'd initially been sleeping a lot. More often than not, Danny would wake and Steve would be there, either dozing off himself or staring blankly, lost in thought. He doesn't like this look. It means Steve is thinking too much, likely racking himself up with the guilt again over what happened, over everything that's happened over the years, and how easily things could have ended differently this time, just like the others.  


Maybe Steve shouldn't have come back.  


He swallows hard at the thought. Yeah, he wanted Steve here, and yesterday, he'd been sulking and depressed because he'd gone, but he'd have worked through it eventually on his own. It wouldn't have been easy, but he hopes he would have had the wherewithal to deal with it in the end, especially after some time had passed and he'd heeled more physically. He knows Steve has a lot to work through, and deep down, maybe Danny does understand that he can't do that here. Maybe delaying that isn't a good idea.   


Sensing his alertness, Eddie wags his tail sleepily, but doesn't move. None of them do for quite some time.  


"I thought you would be happier I came back," Steve finally says, breaking the silence.  


"I thought I would be, too."  


Steve doesn't move, doesn't look at him. Eddie shifts his head to lay on Danny's stomach, eyeing the two of them as if he senses the tension.  


"I'm glad you're here, I am," Danny continues, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't know, I guess I'm still a little hurt that you left. I mean, I couldn't even give you a proper goodbye hug or have one last beer with you before you left."  


He hadn't even been able to look Steve in the eye when they said goodbye either.  _ Love you, too.  _ So much felt wrong about their last conversation.  


"I am sorry."  


"I know."  


He knows he'll forgive Steve at some point. He probably already has, really, his feelings just haven't caught up yet.  


"What are you going to do now?" Danny finally asks. Steve hasn't really been clear on that yet.  


"I'm not sure. I'm not going back to Five-0. I don't think I'll go back, I don't know that I ever will. I'll hang out here with you, I suppose. I haven't really thought that far ahead yet. I wasn't planning on being here right now."  


"How long will you stay?"  


"I won't leave until I know you're good and recovered, maybe at least until you're ready to go back to work. Maybe then it would be easier on both of us."  


Yeah, that would probably help. Danny would have more things to focus on, it would keep him busy. Right now, all he has to do is sit around and mope and be miserable. With work, he'd be busy and distracted, and Steve would feel less guilty leaving him when he's well. But Danny's not sure that can happen now.  


"I don't know if I want to go back."  


"What?" Steve blurts, finally turning to look at him.  


"I don't know. I've been thinking ever since you told me you wanted to leave, and I've been thinking about it a lot this past week, haven't had much else to do, you know? I don't think I want to go back if you're not there."  


"You can't just quit because I'm not there."  


"I don't want another partner," Danny admits. "Besides, I'm the one who brought up retirement a few years ago, so don't think it's all because of you. I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I can't recover quickly anymore when I do get hurt, and maybe I've had one too many near death experiences, I don't know. I mean, I don't even need to be at work for that to happen," he pauses, forcing those thoughts back down. "I think I might be ready to be done, too. I don't know, but I still have time to think about it."  


Steve huffs and turns back away. "I'm sorry, Danny. I fucked everything up."  


Danny carefully sits himself up. He braces himself and maneuvers his legs around Steve, shifting so he can sit on the edge of the bed next him.  


"No, you didn't, babe. None of this crap is your fault. You've done nothing wrong."  


"I left you."  


"You did what you thought was right for you, and you should. Maybe I've been acting a little selfish here. Yeah, I got some shit to work through, but you were right, you know. You keep protecting everyone but yourself, and I think you need to do that. You can't start to heal until you do that, and I don't want you hurting. You can't stay here for me. If you do want to stay for awhile, fine, but it needs to be for yourself, not for me."  


Steve shakes his head. "No, I can't leave while you're still recovering. I'm not sure why I thought I could in the first place. I don't know, maybe it was because it was too hard to watch you struggle to get up and to walk. It hurt to know that I caused that, and I thought it would be easier if I just left, so I didn't have to see it, but I was wrong. Once I was on the plane, I was too worried about you to think about much else. That's why I came back."  


Danny's relieved to hear it. He wants Steve to feel better, to start healing as soon as he can, but he's happy he'll stay awhile longer yet before he takes off again. And without the stress of Five-0, maybe he'll start the process sooner than he thinks.  


He feels a little bit of a weight lifted, and he wonders, not for the first time since Steve returned, if they shouldn't have started this conversation a few days ago. But between Steve struggling with his own demons, and Danny struggling to cope with his injuries, physical or otherwise, and trying to cope with the thought of Steve leaving him, neither of them were thinking clearly or maybe even ready for it. They both still have things they need to work through, but maybe they've passed through the first hurdle.  


"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" Danny finally asks.  


"Yeah, buddy, we are."  


"We'll be okay, though, right?"  


Steve's lips quirk up at the edges. "Yeah, we will."  


Eddie sneaks up between them, nudging his way in for attention. Steve scoots a little further away from Danny, allowing the dog some room, and scratches his fur absentmindedly.  


"You hungry?" Steve asks.  


"You asking me or the dog?" Danny quips.  


Steve rolls his eyes. "You, Daniel, are you hungry?"  


The short banter is automatic, and it's comforting and normal, but Danny sighs, "No, not really."  


"You need to eat, keep up your strength."  


"I know, I know. I haven't had much of an appetite, nothing looks good."  


Steve stands up and heads for the door. "Come on, Eddie, let's go find something for Danno."  


Eddie jumps off the bed and follows Steve out of the room, leaving Danny alone. Figuring he has at least a few minutes for Steve to scrounge up some food, longer if he cooks something, Danny doesn't get up just yet. The room feels empty without Eddie or Steve. He still feels a little on edge from his dreams, and being alone suddenly feels overwhelming. He can hear Steve rummaging around in the kitchen, and part of him wants to go join him, but there's no place to sit in there. He can't exactly heave himself up on the counter top to sit right now like he used to.  


He finds himself standing in the kitchen anyway, leaning on his cane.  


"You okay?" Steve asks when he notices him standing there.  


"Yeah," Danny looks around sheepishly. "I'm just..." He's not sure how to explain what he's feeling.  


Steve sets down the carton of eggs that's in his hand and steps over toward Danny. "Come here."  


Steve pulls him into a hug, and Danny returns it, one-armed.  


"If you need to talk about it, I'm here, Danny. It's okay if you don't bounce back right away."   


"Yeah," Danny agrees softly.  


He wobbles slightly as Steve pulls away.  


"Come on, you should sit down."  


Steve follows him closely as he makes his way to the living room to sit on the couch.  


"Up, Eddie."  


Eddie obeys and hops up on the couch next to Danny. It's obvious that Steve knows he doesn't want to be alone right now, and he tells Eddie to stay while he retreats back to the kitchen. Danny runs his hands through the dog's fur while he listens to the sounds of Steve cooking.  


Steve brings him a plate of eggs and toast a short while later. He only manages to eat half of it, but Steve doesn't complain or push him to eat more. He takes his plate away without a word, though he looks a bit disappointed, and Danny's left with Eddie again to listen to Steve clean up in the other room.  


It takes longer than he expects for Steve to come back, and he starts to wonder what's taking so long. He forces himself to stay put, and instead flicks on the TV for a distraction. Eventually, Steve joins him again and they sit in comfortable silence.  


When late evening rolls around, he starts to feel a little antsy. He makes his way slowly down to the beach, and Eddie follows like he's still obeying Steve's order to stay with him. He doesn't plan to sit out long, promises himself he won't overdo it, but he needs a little fresh air after being cooped up inside.  


He's only sitting alone for a few minutes when Steve appears, holding two bowls and a pair of spoons.  


"What's this?" Danny asks as he takes one of the offered bowls. He eyes the white and red, jiggly substance in surprise. "You made me jello?"  


"With whipped cream and everything," Steve smiles.  


Danny pauses at the unexpected emotion that wells within him. He stares at the jello for a moment. The portion size is much larger than what the nurse at the hospital ever gave him.  


"Hey, you alright?"  


_ Don't mistake a caregiver for someone who cares. _   


"Yeah," he swallows finally, clearing his throat. "I'm good."  


He digs into the jello, and for the first time in over a week, he truly enjoys eating.  


He ignores Steve's stupid happy, smug smile.


End file.
